My heart was as shattered as the broken glass I was sitting in. Oh, the ache inside. The emotional pain was persistent and unyielding. At times, it was simply deafening. Sleepless nights filled with anxiety left me in a fetal position as I lay in the floor and would rock back and forward, back and forward hour after hour. I mustered the last bit of energy I had, and faintly whispered, “Jesus, Jesus” as I rocked. I had no other words. Just raw pain and open wounds of multiple losses and rejection. I did not know how to make the pain stop. I was angry. I was hurt. I was sad. I was depressed.

Consequently, chronic pain began in my neck. I could not turn my head from side to side. The physical and emotional pain overwhelmed me to the point of absolute hopelessness and despair.

Soon, I was bombarded with thoughts of suicide day and night. I did not really want to die. But, I did want the pain to end. I wanted those who treated me unjustly to suffer the pain of loss and rejection I had experienced. I wanted them to feel indescribable anguish and guilt for conditional love. I wanted them to forever grieve the day they rejected me. I wanted them to pay for the pain and emotional distress they caused me. I wanted justice and suicide was the way I chose to seek it.

At 26 years of age, an unsuccessful suicide attempt landed me in a hospital psychiatric ward for seven dreadfully long days. What a scary place! These people are really crazy, I thought. I don’t belong here. I called my therapist and psychiatrist and pleaded to be released immediately – to no avail.

The collective pain and shared stories of the patients in the psychiatric ward overwhelmed me My pain and problems seemed to pale in comparison. With support, I made a commitment to stay alive and to learn healthy ways to reconcile my painful crisis of loss, rejection, and conditional love.

I wish I could say, “We lived happily ever after”. But, that would not be true. Two years later my daddy, 57, died by suicide. The horror and emotional wreckage was endless and affected and continues to affect so many people – wife, children, grand-children, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, church family, community, co-workers, friends, and generations to come.

A year after my daddy died I was sexually abused. I did not find justice in the judicial system. Consequently, I was tormented with anger, despair, disillusionment, depression, and thoughts of suicide. The pain was unbearable, the grief inconsolable, and the torment unrelenting.

During this time, I was counseled by a psychotherapist, a sexual abuse expert, and a psychiatrist who had me on antidepressants. I was in the blackest hole of my life with almost no hope of coming out. I wanted justice, but there was none to be found. I didn’t think I could face five more minutes of this pain. My daddy didn’t, why should I?

Wisely, a counselor insisted that I sign a letter that said “I will not commit suicide. If I feel like I want to die I must call my counselor and tell someone immediately”.

I remembered when my dad died by suicide. It was a nightmare! Investigators treated the situation like a crime scene – homicide until proven suicide. Nightmare’s followed with profound and gut-wrenching pain. The question “why” remained unanswered. Feelings of abandonment, and rejection nearly pushed several of my family members over the edge. How could I do this to my family again?

Questions screamed in my head. Where is the one who will fight for me? Where is the one who will protect me? Who will make the wrong things right? Where is the hope to go on living? In my mind, I lived in a hopeless prison.

Then, I began to hear about a righteous Judge who would fight on my behalf and on behalf of all the afflicted, the abused, the weak, the sick, the widow, the orphan, the abandoned, the rejected, the outcast, the poor, and the needy. And when I asked Him, He said He would take my case! Why? I asked. Because, you’re worth it, He responded. I have come with good news, He said. I have come to heal your broken heart! I have come to free you from your hopeless prison! I have come to give you beauty in exchange for the ash heap of your life! I have come to give you joy in exchange for your grief! He said I have come to put a song in your mouth in exchange for your tired spirit. Instead of your shame you will have double for your trouble. Instead of humiliation, you will have joy. Why? Because, I love justice! (Isaiah 61)

He cried with me! In fact, He bottled every tear I ever cried. He listened to my stories! He believed me! He gave me back my dignity and worth. I have heard your cry, He said. I heard your distress call. He took me from the raging waters of life that threatened to drown me. He rescued me, He said, because He delights in me. Then He said, take courage! Do not be afraid. I will go after your enemies with vengeance. I will save you. I will deliver you. (Psalm 18)

I believed Him! Jesus, the righteous Judge, gave me renewed strength. I got my life back seven years ago. I laugh again. I smile again. I no longer swing back and forth on the pendulum of suicidal despair. I’m not depressed. I’m fully alive on the inside. Do I still have painful circumstances in my life? Yes! But, now I have enduring HOPE. And you can too!

The righteous Judge loves you and wants you to know He sees everything! Vengeance is mine, I will repay declares the Lord. Believe again. Trust again. Live again. Hope again.

All of us were created with an innate inner wisdom which guides our lives, serves as an inner “truth meter” and helps us to make important decisions at critical turning points in our lives. Some call this natural gift intuition, spiritual guidance or “gut feelings”.

Each of us connects to intuition in our own unique ways. Those with artistic or musical gifts may call upon their muse to inspire them with creative ideas. Those whose work involves great physical or mental endurance may connect with their inner wisdom by challenging themselves deeply to break through the barriers that usually stand between themselves and their inner gifts. Some of us may live very busy lives with little time to tune into our inner guidance, but our dreams serve as messengers to share with us the important information we may have tuned out in the midst of a busy day.

Our intuition is a profound gift which connects our embodied physical self with our divine spiritual essence. The soul can communicate with our embodied self through this line of light, and we can develop this inner connection over time through meditation, prayer, and the desire to know ourselves more deeply.

Our intuition can be of great benefit at all times in our lives, and especially during times of great stress or difficulty. In situations where we are facing unanticipated challenges such as the loss of a loved one or an illness, many intense emotions arise from within us. Our habitual supports are removed or shaken, which can cause us to feel unmoored, adrift, without anything to hold onto.

Our intuition can act as a guiding compass, pointing us instinctively towards the supports we need to get through the difficulties we are facing. When our minds fail us because we feel overwhelmed, the voice of our inner wisdom speaks clearly and will repeat itself as often as necessary.

If we are accustomed to being in control of our lives, and then suddenly are faced with a situation we cannot manage, we may feel frightened and desperate because our usual methods of coping no longer are working. Intuition however, will always work, even in the direst of circumstances, because our embodied human self in the physical world is always connected with our larger spiritual self.

In a time of challenge or crisis, our spiritual support systems are activated from the spiritual realms. Our connection with intuition or guidance is strengthened, and those loving beings in the spiritual realms that watch over us and guide our lives provide extra assistance.

If we have become accustomed to discounting our inner wisdom, or have simply shut down the intuitive parts of ourselves through years of neglect, it may feel as though we cannot find the thread of light that would re-connect us to our source. It is important to understand that no matter how disconnected we become from our divine inner wisdom, it is always present and available to us. Even if we have erected barriers to shut out our inner guidance for a time, these can removed by our diligent prayer and intention.

If we have been disconnected from ourselves for a very long time, the process of reconnecting will often bring up old emotions, thoughts and memories that we may have hidden from ourselves that we were not ready to deal with. During this re-balancing phase, it is helpful to participate in some kind of regular spiritual or emotional support system that can help stabilize our inner connection with spirit.

One of the most challenging aspects of the healing process is remembering that emotions and memories from the past are coming up in order to be healed and released. A support system can help us to anchor in the strength of our inner being, to allow the emotions and feelings to pass through us and to release from our body, mind and spirit.

As this cleansing process happens, intuition and inner wisdom are naturally strengthened, for there are fewer barriers between ourselves and our spirit. This deeper inner connection can provide a source of wisdom, freedom, empowerment and comfort during difficult times, and will sustain us throughout life with greater love, joy and peace. Inner wisdom is a great gift, and is intended not only to bless our individual lives, but to share with others to bless all of life by our connection with the divine.

The negative impact of smoking on health has been well documented for decades, and there is becoming an ever increasing shift towards kicking the habit for good. Sadly, nicotine is more addictive than crack cocaine, and this is evident in the hundreds of thousands, if not millions worldwide who try and fail to give up every single year. One proven successful treatment in the fight against the tobacco habit has been hypnosis. With a proven track record, hypnosis is becoming an increasingly popular alternative to will power and other treatment methods, and with a real desire and passion to stop, it can be very effective indeed.

Hypnosis treatment for your smoking habit usually takes the form of one or more sessions with an experienced professional hypnotist. He or she will invite you to his or her office, where you will firstly discuss your objectives, and get some idea of how the process works and how they are going to tackle your habit. This will provide a great opportunity for you to ask questions as desired, or to allay any fears or anxieties you may have about the process. Additionally, it should allow you to feel comfortable with the hypnotist before you begin the treatment. It is only natural to feel skeptical, and don’t try to disguise this from the hypnotist. Let them know exactly how you feel, so they can do their best to help you out.

The hypnotist will encourage you to take a seat or some other relaxed position to enable you to rest for the procedure. He will then begin discussing the importance of relaxing and direct you as required to lead you into the desired state. Try to be as accommodating as possible, and follow the instructions. Allow your mind to explore the directions you are given, and remain open-minded as to the process. Do not rubbish the hypnotist, but rather relax and listen to what he says. Expect a relaxed, almost sleep-like feeling, and expect to feel significantly refreshed and relaxed after you’re done. Hypnosis isn’t earth shattering, but with the right approach, it can be really effective in stopping you smoking.

Complimentary to your hypnosis therapy, you’re also going to need a determination and will power to ensure you keep off the tobacco. Smoking is a very hard habit to break, but with the combination of factors, it is certainly possible, and by remaining open minded as to the available techniques, hypnotism can play a vital part for anyone in kicking the habit.