Recently, I have someone asking me the following question:

“I’m a happy person, but I want to achieve a lot of things like confidence in being around with people etc. If I try to achieve these other things like confidence, it will affect the happiness I’m trying to achieve. How can I involve these things into my goals and yet be happy at the same time?”

It took me a while to understand his question. (Note: I’ve tried to rephrase his question to make it easier for you to understand). Finally, I realize that he has a conflict between goal setting and happiness.

Then I found out that many people are having similar difficulties as well. On one hand, they are trying to keep themselves happy, one the other hand, they are trying to achieving more things. But when they fail to achieve their goals, they become unhappy.

This has inspired me to write this article.

The problem experienced by the person with this problem is his goal is adding pressure on him, such that it makes him unhappy. That’s because he has defined his happiness as his goal! If he does that, he will NEVER be happy because goal is meant to be achieved, yet happy is a state of achievement. Can you see these two things are totally opposite to each other?

You can never achieve something you have not achieved! So how can you be happy?

What he has to do is to be clear of the way he define happiness and the way he define his goal.

You can read more about the right method to define your happiness at http://www.subconscious-secrets.com/define-happy.php.

If he wants to achieve his goal of being confident in meeting people, he can define happiness as “talking to 1 stranger a week”, but he sets his goal as talking to 3 strangers a week. If he defines his happiness and his goal that way, he will be happy if he talks to 1 stranger and very happy if he talks to 2 and extremely happy if he talks to 3!

Remember, happiness begins with how you define your happiness. If you mix up your definition of happiness with your goal, you will never be happy!

Most people (especially those functioning in the teacher, parent, and boss mode) see the following direct cause and effect relationship between procrastination and its psychological underpinnings: if you put things off, you must be lazy and/or disorganized. Or both. While the laziness=procrastination theory may be true to a degree, it doesn’t explain why most people procrastinate about some things and not others. For instance, the very person who meticulously completes tedious sales strategy reports and arrives at the office at 8:15 A.M. sharp every day, may put off making calls to difficult clients.

Therefore, another take on why people put doing certain things off may be that they’re subconsciously afraid of something.

Different Forms of Procrastination Fear

Procrastination may be inspired by many kinds of fear, but most instances of putting things off can arguably be attributed to the following three causes:

1) Fear of Pain: What if the Past Recreates Itself and Hurts Me?

Therapy aside, most of us avoid exploring the emotional underpinnings of any kind of emotional or physical pain on deep levels, whenever possible. To cite an obvious example, many people who have endured difficult romantic break-ups or unpleasant divorces distance themselves from new relationships because they don’t want to be hurt again. There may be no concrete reason to think that loving Susie Davis will be anything like loving Marsha Armand, but people are still afraid on some level that the confusion and drama of their last flame will recreate itself with another person to whom they’re attracted.

2) Fear of Overwhelm: What if I Can’t Do the 2000 Things on My To-Do List?

Feeling overwhelmed by the prospect of going through a 12-step process to finish something is another reason people procrastinate. For instance, let’s say the phone bill shows up and it’s $30 more than it was last month. You suspect a clerical error, but the implications of calling the 1-800 number, staying on hold for 20 minutes, and talking with an overworked customer service representative seems like too much of a chore at 8:15 P.M.. Plus, based on your fear that past experiences will recreate themselves, you think someone will tell you she fixed your bill, but the mistake will reappear next month anyway. So you put off the unpleasant task of fixing the bill till tomorrow…and next week…and pretty soon you’ve just paid the $30 erroneous charge because you never got around to resolving the problem.

3) Fear of Meeting/Not Meeting the Expectations of Others

Dale Carnegie said it best in How to Win Friends and Influence People, by suggesting there’s no such thing as constructive criticism. Criticism only makes people feel resentful and insecure. Many times people procrastinate because they resent being made to feel badly that they didn’t conform to someone else’s expectations about how they should behave. For instance, what happened when your mom nagged you 243 times to clean your room? You never did it because you resented the inference that there was something wrong with you for not wanting to clean that pigsty. Oftentimes, people procrastinate because they don’t want someone to get the better of them by forcing them to do something they don’t want to do.

Ways to Alleviate Procrastination

If we accept that the act of procrastinating is often related to an underlying fear about what will happen if we do something, what are some questions that can melt away the tendency to procrastinate?

Fear of Past Pain

1) Ask ourselves, “what pain am I avoiding by not doing this task?”
2) Ask ourselves, “what’s the worst thing that will happen if I do what I’m avoiding doing?” (therapists love this one)
3) Ask ourselves, “Is there any reason to think this experience I’m avoiding will be as negative as similar experiences I’ve had in the past?”

Fear of Overwhelm

1) Ask ourselves, “Is there a way to break this task down into manageable pieces?
2) Ask ourselves, “Is this problem as complicated as it seems?”
3) Ask ourselves, “Can I write this task into my day planner at some point.”
4) Ask ourselves, “Can I delegate this task to someone else?”

Fear of Meeting or Not Meeting the Expectations of Others

1) Ask ourselves, “Am I getting back at someone by not doing this task.”
2) Ask ourselves, “Does it matter what others think of me.”
3) Ask ourselves, “Am I afraid to do this task because I think that if I fail, others will be disappointed with me?”

Conclusion

While there’s no cure-all for procrastination, asking ourselves why we’re putting something off often enables us to quit stalling…if we want to DO THINGS NOW. Otherwise, great papers have been written at the last minute, and the earth will probably keep rotating on its axis if you never clean out the garage.

Copyright Janna L. Chan, 2006. This article may be reprinted as long as its content is not altered, and it contains the author’s bio below with a link to the relevant site.

Author’s Bio

Janna Chan writes articles on alleviating regular stress and web business stress at http://www.web-biz-stress.com. Visit us for more information about creating websites you love, 8-minutes at a time.

Many entrepreneurs hate selling. The trouble is you can’t have a business if there are no sales! So what would it be like if you didn’t have to sell yourself at all? There’s an old marketing mantra that says, “It’s not the sausage that sells, it’s the sizzle.” What would it be like if you and your personal brand had so much “sizzle” that people searched you out?

Here are five ways to shift from “selling” to “sizzling”:

1. STAY CONNECTED TO YOUR PASSION

Running your own business takes courage. And there’s a good reason why you embarked on this journey in the first place. What was it? Remember why you chose this particular business as opposed to something else, because there’s something about it you really love. Think about the difference you’ve made to your customers lives, helping them to be more confident. Reignite your sense of passion and purpose, and you’ll notice an immediate shift in your attitude and enthusiasm.

2. CREATE A “BUZZ” ABOUT YOU

We all know people who can walk into a room and create a buzz. There is something about their energy that is really compelling. And often they have an air of mystery about them. YOU are your product, and as a personal stylist you will invariably stand out at any event. That’s because your sharp sense of dress speaks volumes. Not everyone has that advantage. Add some “energy” to that, and you’ll be positively glowing. Get that “energy” by sleeping well, eating well, exercising well and drinking well. Try it, it works.

3. BECOME A “TIP DROPPER”

“Tip dropping” is the same thing as name dropping, except that instead of casually mentioning names of important people, you’re casually giving out valuable tips. You can comment on someone’s dress and then say something like “just a tip for you, did you know that you could really enhance that by….” This one tip could totally wow them, and make them curious enough to ask questions about you and what you do. A great door opener.

4. FOCUS ON YOUR IDEAL CLIENT

It’s easy to get desperate and cast your net wide. But this is rarely effective as a small business with limited resources. Instead, get smart and get focused. Think about the type of client you just absolutely adore working with. Now typecast them; describe their general age, sex, where they live, what they do, where they hang out and what they read. Give this group a name (e.g., “the corporate flyers” or the “the divorced divas”). Then make sure your marketing message “speaks” to the needs, wants and desires of this group.

5. NOW JUST GET IN FRONT OF THEM!

Why be the best kept secret? You offer a great service and you’re passionate about what you do. There are people out there that really need you. So how can you make it easy for them to find you? The best way is to go to the places where they hang out, or write articles in the magazines they read. Once you’re there, let your enthusiasm and passion shine through, and then nature will do the rest.

At the end of the day, people buy people, and they buy people they like and trust. So make it easy for people to find you and instead of thinking “selling,” think “sizzling!”