As you can see from the title, I’ve set myself a big writing challenge today!

Have you ever set a goal and felt disappointed because you didn’t achieve it? Or set a goal and felt out of alignment with it immediately – or felt bad even if you did achieve it? Or have you ever set a goal and felt like a fraud or laughed at yourself when you said it and said, no way?

My hand is up. I’ve done all of those at different times in my life – maybe more than once! Arrrgh!

In the past goal setting set me up for failure in one way or another, either because I didn’t achieve the goal or didn’t like myself while working towards the goal.

Wikipedia define traditional goal setting. They says “Goal setting involves setting specific, measurable and time targeted objectives. On a personal level, setting goals is a process that allows people to specify, then work towards their own objectives – most commonly with financial or career – based goals.

Wikipedia goes on to say, “To be most effective goals should be tangible, specific, realistic and have a time targeted for completion.”

Excuse my yawn!

What Wikipedia says is however accurate with what I understand most goal setting to be. But I’m left asking, “Where’s the heart in it?”

In the past, when I set goals, I was always told to set tangible outcomes – what specifically by when. But I’m sorry, I got fed up with it. It was too mechanical, didn’t allow for flow, didn’t ignite my passion and left me feeling set for failure.

The Magical Formula

A short time ago, two things fell into place. As a result I’m now setting my goals in a very different manner.

And what’s happening is that my big dreams are moving closer to reality every day. This means that my small goals happen quicker. As these small goals happen quicker, something else happens that makes me more daring, which means I take bigger steps, which means my goal happens quicker.

Fantastic, isn’t it?

So I shared what was happening with a handful of clients who had a few things they wanted to achieve. I got them to enjoy the magical formula with me and guess what?

They saw a profound change in what occurred to them. Great things began to happen – quickly.

So this got me thinking, how can I help more people, do what I’m doing and start to have the results I’m having.

Now I’ll be honest, what I’m doing isn’t stuff you’ll see in the Secret. It’s also not lighting candles and hoping or chanting a mantra until you look like a Smurf, (though there’s nothing wrong with that, if you like mantras and Smurfs!).

What I’m doing is effective, practical and fun. So, do you want to know the formula so you can start achieving what you want?

All you have to do is click here

With love and good wishes

Neil

In order for a relationship to work and stand the trials and tribulations that come with love, it is important for a few expectations and goals to be set. When goals are created in a relationship, the chances of surviving a long-lasting relationship are pretty high.

Building trust and understanding that lasts a lifetime is great way to achieve the level of satisfaction one would expect in a relationship. This is where goals become an important part of the process. And it’s not just one person setting goals and following them – relationships are a two-way street where happiness falls on the shoulders of both parties involved.

Also, it is important to let all goals be known because all too often, relationships fall apart when one partner is desperately trying to achieve a goal that their significant other shows no interest or compassion for. Usually, these goals serve a better purpose when they are established at the beginning of a relationship.

Sometimes, this is rather hard to accomplish since so many couples fall head over heels with one another before truly exploring their desires, goals, dreams and even sometimes character and personality. When you don’t set goals that both individuals are willing to accept or put forth an honest effort, the relationship will most likely fail within a couple of years. Setting goals play quite an important role in the affairs of Cupid, don’t you think?

Usually, married folk or seriously involved partners are able to stick with one another for the long haul when setting personal plans and goals that each agree on. And don’t think these relationship goals are unbreakable. As time passes in a relationship, it is a good idea to conduct frequent assessments and evaluations of couple progress.

This is because various factors, such as career changes, babies and moving in with one another seem to shake up the dynamic that was established before the change. It is always good to stay on top of the changing wants and needs of your partner and, sometimes, this means reestablishing and setting new goals for the future. Make sure at some point you either vocalize your new goals or write them down so that neither one of you are left in the dark.

It is these sorts of surprises that have a habit of tearing couples apart. So, if you plan to move to Alaska for a new job in two years, you better let your girlfriend know before making solid plans. You may find yourself on your own if the situation isn’t discussed together. If you recently decided you no longer want kids with your husband who has always wanted two or three, you should discuss this subject on the double because it seriously affects the future the two of you will have with one another.

Relationship Goal Setting Do’s and Don’ts

1) Do show support in all of the things your partner tries to do and express your opinions instead of holding them inside.

2) Do keep the lines of communication open and active on a daily basis.

3) Don’t smother your partner and always assess the dependency each of you hold for one another.

4) Do express your concerns regarding intimacy.

5) Don’t hide your feelings of dissatisfaction – the buildup will only worsen, which can lead to multiple fights and unhappy times in the future.

6) Do think towards to future and assess whether you can see yourself with your mate for the rest of your life.

7) Do respect the feelings and rights that your partner has in the relationship. Don’t become overbearing.

8) Do help your significant other to grow and progress in life.

9) Don’t ever let the fun fizzle out of your relationship. Do keep an open mind and try new things.

10) Do keep an open mind when it comes to solving problems you and your partner may experience. You always have to allow the other to explain his or her version.

Also, don’t let problems build up in a relationship. It is important to express all of your feelings in order to achieve the relationship goals you have set with your partner.

What’s the best gift you can give yourself at any time of the year?

How about overcoming the pain caused by someone you loved and trusted?

What happens when you’ve been wronged by another and you want to move on? How do you let it go – get on with your life – and make sure it doesn’t happen again?

The short answer is that you forgive yourself for attracting them into your life – so you don’t have to continue to carry the burden around and so that you don’t repeat the same experience with another person.

You forgive yourself for ALLOWING it to happen – not for causing it to happen.

Right now you may be in some sort of a mental prison. There may be a lot of resentment and other similar feelings. And what you’re feeling now – the bitterness, the resentment, the anger, the hurt; WILL influence your future relationships.

Bitterness only leads to more bitterness. Hurt leads to more hurt.

Forgiveness is a way to clear out those old feelings from the past so you will be better able to believe in yourself and trust yourself. Not to mention you’ll be wiser and more perceptive.

But are you responsible for what they did?

No, absolutely not. You don’t forgive yourself to make them ‘not guilty’. You created your reality and they created theirs.

And the realities overlapped.

A cheater is basically that way before you meet them.

A betrayer is a betrayer before they come into your life.

The question is – why did I attract someone like this into my life?

Of course you didn’t KNOW they would cheat or betray you when you first met them. But then, maybe there were little hints and clues you ignored. I don’t know.

The point is, you CHOSE to allow them into your life. You allowed it to happen.

That ‘allowing’ is your responsibility; something you can forgive yourself for.

The value of forgiving yourself is –

first of all, it’s empowering to accept responsibility for YOUR contribution. Yes, I understand you were wronged. They engaged in hurtful behavior that was unjustified.

By forgiving yourself, you don’t say their behavior was acceptable. On some level, they must ‘pay’ for what they did. But that’s not your business. (I understand many try to make it their business!)

But you would be much more productive by dealing with YOUR contribution to these events. And not worrying about their contribution.

“They’ll get theirs.”

But look at the damage it does to YOU by not forgiving yourself.

Maybe you don’t believe in yourself anymore.

Maybe you don’t trust yourself to make good decisions.

Maybe your self-confidence is lacking.

Maybe you’re carrying around a ton of pain.

And I would guess many other problems as well have come up because you’ve been wronged.

Forgiving yourself can heal the damage they caused.

Also, you don’t let someone ‘off the hook’ by forgiving yourself for what they did.

YOU LET *YOU* OFF THE HOOK BY FORGIVING YOURSELF.

Sorry to shout, but I want to make that point clear. By forgiving yourself, you empower yourself. You free yourself from your own private prison of pain.

Forgiveness is a strength; it empowers you.

By not forgiving yourself, you are not honoring or respecting yourself. You’re saying you don’t matter.

Forgiveness creates freedom. Forgiveness is liberating. Forgiveness is a positive, pro-active decision. It’s a deliberate choice from a position of power and responsibility.

It’s an act of character and integrity. It takes courage. I admit it’s not easy to be kicked by someone and then forgive YOURSELF for being kicked. Because, “It’s not me – I didn’t do this! It’s THEM!! They’re the bad ones!”

But finding your own contribution to being kicked is like finding a foothold to greater power and greater strength. You will become ‘more’ if you forgive yourself for being wronged.

It takes enormous courage to let go of the blame. So often we seek our strength in blame. We anchor to it. And the thing is, we really are justified to blame!

We really WERE wronged. Nobody would deny that. It’s obvious.

But what I’m saying is to go beyond the obvious. If blame really did solve problems, what a wonderful world this would be!

But blame doesn’t solve problems. In fact, it locks those problems in place.

The trap is, you really are justified in blaming. But if you do, it keeps those painful feelings in place. You can’t grow and stretch and reach for more in life when you’re blaming.

It’s like putting your feelings in the freezer. And then you have to tote that freezer around with you every where you go.

Blame is like being seduced by a beautiful woman with a hidden agenda. You think she really does like you when all she wants is your money.

If you know her game, you can easily resist. If you turn a blind eye, you’ll get taken.

You think blame is your friend, but really all it wants is your power. You must give up your power to blame.

I know it doesn’t seem that way, because we always get a cheap hit of power when we blame. But it never lasts.

It’s like spending on credit. There’s no problem until the payment comes due!

But to me, the biggest benefit of forgiving myself for being wronged by another is that it helps to ensure that it doesn’t happen again. “I’ve suffered enough. I don’t want to go through the same situation again.”

But if I don’t forgive, then most likely I WILL repeat the same mistakes again. Or else, I’ll try not to love anyone else for the rest of my life. Which is almost impossible.

More likely, since I haven’t explored the reasons WHY I created a hurtful person into my life, I’ll create another hurtful person into my life.

Then I’ll have to go through the same pain again.

Just thinking about that is depressing!

You want to live a better life, not repeat the pain of the past.

Forgiveness helps to make things better. So next time, you’ll have a better chance of finding someone who’ll treat you with respect.

Because you respected yourself enough to forgive YOURSELF for what THEY did.

You forgave yourself for YOUR contribution; because you played a part in what happened.

You are not a spectator in your life.

You’re not a helpless victim.

You created what happened.

Not by causing, but by allowing.

You allowed another to hurt you.

Now, you will turn it into something good by changing yourself.

And the way to change is by recognizing what happened, feeling the impact of what happened,and forgiving yourself for why you let it happen in your life.

And later, if you choose to forgive them as well, that’s great. But always forgive yourself first – as an acknowledgement to yourself that YOU are in charge of your life – not them.

Why didn’t they go ruin someone else’s life instead of trying to ruin yours? You may never know.

But the fact is, you let them in, they betrayed you, and now you’re left to pick up the pieces.

Okay, you will.

You’ll be a winner. You’ll take their sucker punch to your gut, and you’ll become a better person. Not a bitter, beaten loser. You’ll take the pain they tried to dump on you and use it to become strong and powerful.

You’ll find the good in their act of wrongness.

While they will in all likelihood continue to be a punishing person.

Maybe someday you’ll forgive them for their misdeeds, but for now you’re ready to grow and heal and move on.

Remember the old saying –

Living Well Is The Best Revenge!

Forgiveness can be that first step to living well.